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9th-Oct-2010 06:21 pm - Fanfic: My bittersweet Voyage (5/?)
green ryo-chan

Title: My bittersweet Voyage
Chapter: [5/?]
Pairing: RyoTego/RyoPi
Genre: romance, drama
A/N: wow, my first NEWS-Fic ever xD I hope it's worth reading it and I didn't wrote to much twisted sentences
Rating: PG-13 (i think...?)
Summary: Tegoshi Ryo-chan are heck over heels in love when Pi realizes that he isn't as happy about this fact as he tries to make himself believe. Wrote from Pi's POV
Disclaimer: Nothing of this like persons, names, places, buildings etc. belongs to me, except the storyline and the weird dialogues

sorry it took me so long v__v





Chapter 5

When I think of the 3 worst moments in my life the first thing which comes to my mind is the moment when I heard from Ryo-chan that his finger was broken. I was really shocked back then. The second moment was when my Mom told me about the real story behind the question “Where do the babies come from?” And the third and of course most worst moment in my life lasted exactly two hours, advertisement gaps inclusive and was the day after I had my more or less quarrel with Ryo-chan. After the rehearsal I’ve never thought that the next day would top my worst-moment-list. But it did. It really did, with such a brutally punch it beat away the babies and Ryo’s finger, that I really feared afterwards that it has all been just a really unfunny nightmare.

The rehearsal first was more or less confusing. I’ve never heard of a music show in which you have to punch your band members in order to be allowed to sing your own few lines. Of course during the rehearsal we shouldn’t really punch each other, it was just literally. We all got boxing gloves and mouthpieces and stood in this big boxing ring just in Shorts. I really imagined that very moment the guest going “Kyaaa~” over our half-naked bodies the next day.

Then the bell rang and we were supposed to act like we were fighting hard in order to get to the microphone which hung down from the ceiling. It was all pretty easy and not so serious. We laughed at ourselves as we stumbled and fell over each other when we jumped up to reach the microphone.

But then, the next day when we arrived for the real show, the big surprise was announced. I think all of us were shocked from the bottom of our hearts.

With a big wide smile the Producer told us, that today we should punch each other with all power we have, in order to let it look real in front of the cameras. I remember Koyama’s scared question: “Isn’t that too macabre too be shown on TV…?” And Ryo has added: “You gonna be kidding me! That’s illegal, isn’t it?”

The producer just laughed, shook his head and left without a word. Of course we ran to our manager-san bombarding him with fearful and unbelieving demands: “Please tell us this is just a joke!” I said and Massu nodded with his red boxing gloves already on. Tegoshi stood near Ryo-chan, clinging onto his arm. “I don’t wanna beat NEWS…” he said in a whiny voice and looked fearful into the round. “You’re my senpai’s after all!”

Shige bristled in amusement. “Since when do you care about Senpai-Kouhai-hierarchy?”

“Since a moment ago!” Tegoshi affirmed and Ryo chuckled. “You love to turn things as you wish for your advantage, ne~” he said in a soft voice as he tousled through Tegoshi’s hair. I looked away on purpose and I noticed Kei-chan watching me. He paid close attention to me and I knew he sensed something with his NEWS-member-ai-is-in-trouble-radar. But I wasn’t in the mood to discuss with him or even let him convince me that it might be better if I say what’s on my mind. So I acted like I wouldn’t sense his gaze. Luckily Shige didn’t stop teasing Tegoshi. “You’re just saying that because you fear we would beat you up.” He said with his evil Shige-grin wich made everyone get goose bumps. “You wouldn’t have a chance against us with your skinny arms.” It seemed as he hit the nail right on the head and Tegoshi made a face as if his favourite cereal pops were sold out.

“Oh, Shige come on.” Ryo said while rolling his eyes and with a slightly annoyed face. “You’re having a big mouth right now, but if we’re really gonna box against each other you’ll hide behind Koyama who’ll preach to not be serious with you because you’re defenceless after all. It’ll be exactly like every other time you open your fat mouth. All hat and no cattle.”

“Oooy, be friendly!” Koyama tried to soothe them. “Be fond of each other, right now!”

“I don’t even think about it.” Ryo said defiantly with a little squeal. “He started picking on Tegoshi.”

“Yeah, and you’re acting like a child with bullying him.” I said and knew Ryo wouldn’t argue back. He never did when I was about to step into one of his fights. I knew it was kind of nasty to press home my advantage of our yearlong friendship against him. Ryo stared at me in silence and in his eyes was this serious look which gave me goose bumps. He rarely stared at me like that. I knew he wasn’t able to make head or tail of me – the first time in ages. And it made me sad. But I didn’t want to show him, so I just glanced back with my emotionless poker-face I had to learn for ‘Kurosagi’. It felt like it would kill me to look at Ryo like that.

“Minna-san, get ready.” One of the Staff-san told us. “We’re starting in 5 minutes.”

Ryo and I stared at each other for a few seconds, till we silently broke off the eye-contact exactly the same moment.

“Oh shit, they’re serious about the boxing-match…” Massu said and drooped. Tesshi patted him in sympathy. He didn’t looked happy as well.

“Maah, guess we have to do this…ne?” I said in a low voice. Koyama looked at me in worry.

Well, what should I have done?

“One day I will kill Johnny-san for this...” I heard Shige mumble as he walked behind me, as well as I noticed that I was the one going ahead. “Hey!” I squealed and looked reproachfully at Koyama.

“Don’t worry, Pi-chan.” He smiled awfully. “We’re right behind you.”

I moaned. At least from Koyama I expected some kind of loyalty. But he pushed me ahead, though he probably knew we all felt the same about this boxing-match.

The staff-san gave each of us a pair of boxing gloves, each pair in the color of the person it presents. Shige’s were green, Massu’s orange, Tegoshi’s of course were the pink one’s, Ryo’s were blue, Koyama’s yellow and mine red.

We wore shorts in the same colors, with black coats above. I guess we all believed this a dream until the countdown showed up, the audience started to scream and our names were announced. No turning back. We had to do this. I hoped our salaries would have a nice bonus this month.


“Argh, fuck! Ryo-chan you really shouldn’t have punched him that hard!” Koyama claimed and put a pack of ice on Shige’s head. He had a nice bruise at his forehead, a swollen eye and a bursted lip. I guess we all didn’t look that much better. But Shige looked worst. I guess we should have known that Ryo’s favourite target would be Shige. Maybe it should have been my duties to interrupt when Shige and Ryo ended up in a bunch of boxing arms and legs, but Tegoshi thought he could sing my part when I was fighting with Massu, so we were all very busy defending ourselves against...well...ourselves.

Koyama now cared for his beloved Shige, Massu refilled his energy with food and Tegoshi was pouted, because I hit his oh-so-pretty face.

“You’re okay?” Ryo asked in a soft voice and stroked Tegoshi’s cheek. “That was a freaky thing, don’t you think?”

“Nothing is okay! Look! I got a bruise right there!” Tegoshi pointed at his chin. Actually there was really a tiny little point of blue.

“Who did that to you?” Ryo was full of worry, though he had himself a lot of bruises he should take care of. But he didn’t. Of course he did not. Tegoshi was much more important to him.

“Yamapi!” Tegoshi pointed at me with his finger, still a pout on his lips. “On purpose!”

“Of course I did it on purpose!”, I yelled out, losing my last strains of nerves and rolled with my eyes. “This little brat here is totally getting spoiled by you and it really annoys me, Ryo!”

Silence answered me. Shit. Did I really just said that out loud? Kind of scared I raised my eyes and looked at my best friend. He had a completely distant expression. “I see.”, he simply said and crossed his arms. I have to admit that actually fear was raising up within me. I have often argued with Ryo, and we often had not the same opinion. But never the less...He never gave me this look.

“Um...” Tegoshi felt uncomfortable, too, since he knew that something awkward would happen between Ryo and me if nobody would stop his boyfriend from stuffing all the rage he currently held in within. Although my words actually were meant against Tegoshi, he was now the one who helped me, because of course Ryo felt as if I insulted himself.

“Ne, Ryo-tan...?” Tegoshi pulled at his arm his sweetest puppy-eyes on his face. “I’m hungry, Ryo-tan.” No reaction. Ryo still stared me to death. Oh yeah, he really suited his ‘Last Friends’ role...Freaky guy. You know, he had this special gaze which makes you freeze inside. Actually I never knew it was so intense.

“Ryo-taaan!” Tegoshi pulled harder, till Ryo finally cut off the eye-contact and looked at his cute little ‘Tego-nyan” Gosh, I really had a hard time gulping down the evil words which came back onto my tongue.

“Let’s go.” Ryo simply said, his husky voice even more dark.

And without a word he left. Tegoshi followed him like a little toy-poodle, turning his head backwards and shrugging his shoulders. To me it seemed like he was making fun of me. Like ‘Ha, see, deserves you right”

I struggled the desire to throw something terribly heavy at him.

It was half past eleven PM when I got a phone call from Ryo.

Without any greeting I took it up.

“And you are jealous after all.” He said outright, kind of harsh, and before I could answer a thing – not that I had a quite intelligent quick-witted answer in mind – he hung up. I stared in disbelief at the phone in my hand. I wondered whether I should be angry because he was so rude and vengeful or because he still dwelled upon that subject. I really considered for a while calling him back, yelling “I’m not!” and hanging up the same way he did. But that seemed to me rather childish, so I didn’t do anything after all and threw myself into bed. But I laid there for hours restless, staring at the ceiling and listened to my own raving emotions.

And finally, fearfully, I came to a conclusion: “Shit, is he right?”


Chapter 5 deshitaaa

so, after I finally finished my baby "the bet" a while ago I think I have to finish this fic here as well soon. okay, 'soon' is really expandable for me, so I guess I will just do my best and write a bit every now and then when I find the time for it between my studies ^-^

green ryo-chan

Title: The bet - or such a thing called love
: RyoTego/TegoPi
: romance, drama
PG-13 (i think...?)
Ryo-chan and Yamapi bet that one of them will win Tegoshi's heart, both confident that they will win. So a rancorous fight begins, in which both use even the worst methods to better each other, not knowing, that Tegoshi, who stands between them, slowly sinks into despair because of his confused heart....
Disclaimer: Nothing of this like persons, names, places, buildings etc. belongs to me, except the storyline and the weird dialogues



Please turn on your Mediaplayer/iTunes etc. and listen to 'Ai nante' by our lovely NEWS


The concert had a special feeling. Everybody sensed it. NEWS and the staff did their best to create a final show which would make the audience satisfied and happy. But deep inside Ryo, Yamapi, Massu, Shige and Koyama were worried. Koyama had explained his plan to the others and also what it would mean for NEWS if that plan would fail. Especially Massu was shocked by the long odds that were at stake. And Shige wasn’t sure about the tiny role he played in that plan. But they all got the need of success.

They would start after the MC. Everybody had talked as if would be for the sake of their life, even Yamapi and Ryo who usually didn’t speak up that much during the MC-part participated as well as they could. Just Tegoshi stayed as far as possible silent, smiling when the cameras has a close-up on him and laughing into the microphone every now and then. He was tired of faking his smile. He didn’t even know how to smile honestly anymore, yet faking it felt much better than putting on the sad face everybody would worry about. Before he really realized it the MC was already over and he hadn’t lost a word. Shit, he scolded himself. You have to focus!!

He knew the next song would be ‘Ai nante’ and he tried to erase yesterday evening out off his memory. He felt unsure and he would have given everything to be able to drop out of the performance, but he’d promised himself to not ever be cowardly again. This would be his last show anyway. 12 songs and the Encore. This wasn’t to much, was it?

He took a deep breath, when the intro began. The audience screamed when they noticed the song and the lights turned off. The whole Tokyo Dome was dark, just a few flashlights lit the hall. Tegoshi exactly knew where Shige and Ryo stood and he concentrated on his text, when suddenly a spotlights shone on him. He whirled around, supposed to sing the first keys, but he was surprised and the microphone was out anyway.


Dore dake aruite kitan darou?
Furimuitara namida no ato”


Tegoshi felt like his heart would stop to beat as Ryo’s husky, gentle voice echoed through the dome with just the piano in the background. He was unable to form a clear thought. His mind went completely blank.


Kizu tsuke kizu tsuki tadoritsuita basho
Ima koko ni kimi ga iru”


Ryo stepped out of the darkness and into the spotlight which shone on Tegoshi, a heartbreakingly expression on his face.

Ai nante kimi dake sa itsudemo motome sugite
Ai nante kimi nashi ja imi nai yo ikirarenai“


The music busted out and Ryo came further. Tegoshi could see the tears in his eyes. He couldn’t move and finally Ryo was near enough to grab his hand, out of the camera-view. Tegoshi slightly grabbed Ryo’s fingers back, glad to be able to hold onto something. He feared to lose his balance, his knees were wobbly and he felt dizzy. Totally overwhelmed by the situation he hardly forgot to breath. He felt that Ryo’s hand was trembling in his own one, he could see that Ryo’s whole body was shivering.


“Asa no hizashi ni kimi no negao to
Tereta egao de ureshiku nareru kara
Sonna hibi wo kanjitai yo eien ni”


Ryo’s sung words echoed in Tegoshi’s head and he felt tears rising up inside him. He knew what would come next. The big showdown of the song. He bit his lip. Ryo squeezed his hand desperately when he took a deep breath.


Ai nante“


Ryo’s husky voice screeched. And then broke off. Ryo held the back of his hand with which he held the microphone up to cover his mouth. He couldn’t bear looking at Tegoshi. A scream went through the audience, and before Tegoshi realized what he exactly was doing he held up the microphone in his hand and sung:


kimi dake sa itsudemo motome sugite
Ai nante kimi nashi ja imi nai yo ikirarenai

Ai shitemo ai shikirenai
Mirai nante kimi nashi ja mienai yo iranai yo”


Tegoshi’s voice clearly finished the last line of the song, the music trailed off and when the spotlight turned out Tegoshi let down the microphone. It was meaningless that there were over 50.000 people around them. It was meaningless that there were right in the middle of a concert. Everything what matted was the fact that Tegoshi finally knew were he belonged.

And as he stepped further through the darkness he heard Ryo’s hoarse sobs. He felt that he was about to cry, but they also had to leave the stage. The next song was a KoyamaPi-Collaboration. So he dragged Ryo with him down the stairs to the dressers of the Juniors which stand under the stage everywhere and into a dark corner. Ryo was crying like a baby and he hid his eyes with his hands. His shoulders were shaking and he snuffled.

“Ryo-chan…” Tegoshi whispered with wet eyes and he was not sure whether he should smile or break into tears. Gently he took Ryo’s and pulled them off his face. Ryo sobbed even harder when he got a glimpse of Tegoshi and quickly he lowered his head.

“Oh, Ryo-chan…” Tegoshi claimed and a single tear rolled down his cheek. “Actually  I should be the one crying.”, he said quietly and Ryo made a snoring sound. “Gomen ne, Yu-chan. But…But I simply can’t stop.”

Tegoshi bristled a smile. “Baka.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“What should I do then? I did horrible things to you. What am I supposed to do if not apologizing? I  have no-“

“Fuck, stop babbling shit and finally kiss me!” Tegoshi cut him off and immediately he felt Ryo’s soft lips and his own ones. He sighed satisfied, pressed his body against Ryo’s, the warmth he had missed so much, and clung with his fingers to his back. After a while Ryo drove back. “Yu-chan…can you forgive me? I am really so-“

But Tegoshi already pulled Ryo back into a kiss.



“You did the right thing, Pi.”
”Think so?”

“Just think? You told me you were sure.”

“I will never be sure as long as he’s not with me.”

“You already miss him…” It wasn’t a question. Koyama saw it in Yamapi’s eyes that were not be able to hide what his face hid so hard.

“I will always miss him. It hurts. It hurts so much.” Yamapi’s hand rested on his chest. “I’ve nevery once before felt such a pain…Kei-chan?”


“Will it every go away again?” Yamapi’s sudden lost look was like a knife in Koyama’s heart. “I don’t know, Pi…I really don’t know.”

Yamapi nodded. “It’s better this way.”

And both of them looked at Tegoshi and Ryo who kissed and dried each other’s tears and laid in each other’s arms and fit perfectly together in their embrace.



Ryo hugged him from the back and Tegoshi could feel his hear beating against his shoulder blades.

“Ne, Yu-chan-“

“Ssh…Stay quiet for a while please.”

Ryo did as Tegoshi told him, though he couldn’t understand why. Then Tegoshi took Ryo’s hand, which had clung onto the little ones tummy and placed it at his chest.

“Do you feel it?” Tegoshi whispered still holding Ryo’s warm hand.

“Mmh…” Ryo made in complete satisfaction, closed his eyes and buried his face into Tegoshi’s soft hair, inhaling this Sweet scent of him he so loved.

They stayed in complete silence, both feeling each other’s heartbeat, the most beautiful, utterly charming thing they had every felt. They didn’t need to say a thing, they didn’t need to tell ‘I love you’. Both of them knew it as they slowly fell asleep in such a inner calm they never once have felt before.



the end.


chapter 20 deshita~~

aaah, finally I finished 'the bet'!! I'm so happy and relieved I got the time to update and yaaay, I'm done with it. And I'm nearly done with school. Friday I will get to know the results of my A/L's and then...yeah, just one oral exam in math left and I will be done with school too. mmh, strange feeling.
Well, I hope to be able to upload the first chapter of my next story soon. It will be a twist between Yamapi, Tegoshi and Jin! Yepp, Jin :D

I'm very gratefull for all comments I have received so far, thank you so much for supporting me and cheering me on and even reading my story!! You are all lovely people I really cherish ♥

green ryo-chan

Title: The bet - or such a thing called love
: RyoTego/TegoPi
: romance, drama
PG-13 (i think...?)
Ryo-chan and Yamapi bet that one of them will win Tegoshi's heart, both confident that they will win. So a rancorous fight begins, in which both use even the worst methods to better each other, not knowing, that Tegoshi, who stands between them, slowly sinks into despair because of his confused heart....
Disclaimer: Nothing of this like persons, names, places, buildings etc. belongs to me, except the storyline and the weird dialogues  - credits for the english translation of "Ai nante" belong to Newshfan @livejournal.com



He was sure. I t would be the best after all.

He could see Ryo suffer after all, how it killed him everyday to endure the hours they spent together in NEWS. He didn’t have the right to make poor Ryo suffer that hard. That’s why he decided to quit. To finally cut this agonizing bond. He had thought a lot about it. NEWS was one of the most precious parts in his life. But it would be unfair if he would torture Ryo and everybody else just because of his selfish behaviour.

He still had Yamapi. That was more than he actually deserved. He didn’t want to be greedy. At least he could give NEWS back to Ryo….He knew that was a lame act of showing his gratitude. But it was the only thing he could do. The only thing which wouldn’t hurt the three of them, and especially either Yamapi nor Ryo that much. It would be the best. And maybe he would find back to his usual self again.

The door bell made him twitch. He looked up, hadn’t even noticed that he had tears in his eyes. With some light moves he slapped the blood back to his cheeks. He took a deep breath before he opened the door to the apartment.

“Eh?” He looked down the empty hallway. The elevator blinked, just arrived the ground floor seven staircases beneath with a ‘bling’. With narrowed eyebrows Tegoshi wanted to close the door again when he noticed the black little thingy at the doormat. Curiously he picked it up. It was a voice recorder with a little cassette in it. Again he looked down the hallway, but there was still nobody who could have dropped it there by accident. “I wonder who this did…” he murmured to himself and took the little Dictaphone with him into the apartment. He sat down at the sofa and pressed the green ‘play’-button. First there was silence, just the sound of the cassette running. And the he heard it. This low soft breath he would know under a hundred of breaths. His heart cramped as this breath started to sing – as Ryo started to sing.


Dore dake aruite kitan darou?
Furimuitara namida no ato

How far have we walked?
If I turn around, you’ll see the path of my tears


The clear husky voice which filled the room, his ears, his head and his heart and everything else brought back the tears into his eyes. And with them this not bearable pain which he tried to oppress with all his might.


Kizu tsuke kizu tsuki tadoritsuita basho
Ima koko ni kimi ga iru

Arriving at a place where we hurt and get hurt
You are here now


He sobbed. He sobbed unstoppable wetting his shirt, his hands, his lap.


Ai nante kimi dake sa itsudemo motome sugite
Ai nante kimi nashi ja imi nai yo ikirarenai

This thing called love, it’s only you, I always demanded too much
This thing called love, there’s no point without you, I couldn’t survive

His throat began to burn; his eyes swam away in a sea of tears. And he felt so lost. Ryo’s voice, singing this wonderful A cappella , made him want to cling onto him so much.


Asa no hizashi ni kimi no negao to
Tereta egao de ureshiku nareru kara
Sonna hibi wo kanjitai yo eien ni

The morning sunlight on your sleeping face
Because the way it shines on you smile makes me happy
I want to feel those kind of days forever


A pause. Ryo’s gentle breath again, heavy now, as if it hand to endure a flood of tears. Tegoshi knew what would come next. He didn’t prepare himself for the great burn-out though. Instead of that he just sat there, shivering defencelessness in order to let the overwhelming impact of the final hit him hard right into his chest.


Ai nante kimi dake sa itsudemo motome sugite
Ai nante kimi nashi ja imi nai yo ikirarenai
Ai shitemo ai shikirenai
Mirai nante kimi nashi ja mienai yo iranai yo

This thing called love, it’s only you, I always demanded too much
This thing called love, there’s no point without you, I couldn’t survive
Even if I love you, I can’t love you enough
This thing called the future, I can’t see it and I don’t need it unless you’re in it


The cassette still ran, but there was this silence again. Tegoshi trembled. He bit his lips, cried so hard he could hardly breathe. It hurt so much. Everything inside him hurt so much. A sore sob left his wounded throat.

“Yu-chan…” Tegoshi twitched again, then stared at the voice recorder in pure fear. “Yu-chan…Please don’t quit.” The last words echoed in his head. Ryo’s painful, heartbroken voice, pleadingly, over and over again.

And Tegoshi broke down. With a desperate whim he threw his hands around his legs and rolled himself together into a ball. There he laid – this soft, helpless creature, left alone.

“Fuck!” he spit out in a sob. “I still do love him after all.”

And he spoke out what he’d denied to himself with all his might, what he’d tried to forget in order to not hurt Yamapi. “I still do love him.”


Yamapi found him on the sofa. He didn’t expect little Tegoshi to lay there. After he tried to call him various times he thought he would have already gone to bed. But there he was, his little Tegoshi, and looked as lost and hurt like two weeks ago in the hospital.

“Tesshi…” he whispered and knelt down next to him. He saw the dried trace of the tears and stroke his pale, cold cheeks. “What did you do?” he asked in a quiet voice, but Tegoshi didn’t wake up. Yamapi feared to change the structure of this question into the actual more proper version. What did we do to you? “Did you cry yourself into sleep again?”

Yamapi sighed. “I thought I would have finally won your heart, you know. I really thought that- And now…Look at you. You’re still confused. I can tell by your painfully sleeping face that you’re still torn up between us…But what should I do? … Ne, Tesshi, tell me…What should I do with you…?” His voice was nothing more than a low hoarse whisper.  “It hurts me as well to see you like this. And Ryo. He’s my friend after all… I’ve never seen him so desperate, Tesshi…My poor little Tesshi…” Yamapi felt the tears rising up within him. “I thought it would be my great chance when Ryo let you go…And you were happy with me. And now I see that I am still not enough. It breaks you. I don’t to be condemned to just watch you being destroyed. I don’t want to…I can’t stand it anymore…” A teardrop was rolling down Yamapi’s cheek and fell down onto the floor where it disappeared in the thick, fluffy rug.

“Kei-chan told me you want to leave. Is it my fault? Tell me, is it my fault?” He watched Tegoshi’s sleeping face in silence. The hours passed and nobody moved. Just their heavy breath, heavy of sleep and exhaustion and grief and sadness and despair and tears, between them.


The alarm clock of Yamapi’s cell phone woke them up in the morning without any harm. Yamapi’s muscled hurt because he sat the whole night on the uncomfortable floor by the sofa.

“Eh, Yamashita-kun? When did you come home?” Tegoshi asked as he sat up.

“Tonight. I didn’t want to wake you up, so I just stayed here.” Of course Yamapi noticed that Tegoshi addressed him the formal way. And it stitched his heart.


Yamapi forced himself to smile and tousled through Tegoshi’s hair. “Don’t make such a face.” He said and squeezed Tegoshi’s face into an awkward grin. Tegoshi reminded this of the scene where he had to say Yamapi that they couldn’t share a hotel room. It seemed so far away…This sudden realization nearly brought back the tears. But just nearly. “We should get ready for the last concert today…” He said instead and wrenched himself out of Yamapi’s arms.

“Mh, you’re right.” Yamapi followed Tegoshi with his eyes, how he didn’t had the courage to look into his eyes as he tidied up some stuff in the living-room. “I’ll change my clothed. You can take a shower.” Tegoshi left the room before Yamapi could say something, so he just sighed sadly and walked into the bathroom.

15 minutes later they were ready to leave for the concert which would start in 6 hours.

They hardly spoke anything with each other and both felt the change through the awkward atmosphere which seemed to stand between them like a big fat marshmallow. Though  Tegoshi tried to prevent it. But whenever he looked up at Yamapi he felt his smile crackle and whenever he wanted to say something the words faded away into nowhere.

As they arrived at Tokyo Dome and in the NEWS dressing room both of them were quite happy to already see Koyama, Shige and Massu there. Kei-chan sensed the tense and immediately involved Yamapi into the conversation between him and Shige, so that Tegoshi could settle down next to Massu.

“Holy crap, Tegoshi! You look like been smashed by a roller-coaster!” Massu shouted and pointed at the deep rings under Tegoshi’s eyes.

“I don’t feel so well.” Tegoshi admitted with a tiny smile. “But I will be okay. Tons of make-up and a pot of coffee will probably raise my appearance and mood.”

“You sure?” Massu asked with worry. Tegoshi smiled. It felt good that even one person cared for him without causing any trouble. “Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks, Massu.” He said with as much sincere as he could bring up.

Shige in the other corner of the room left for the toilet, so Yamapi and Koyama were alone. “What happened?” Koyama asked and Yamapi dug his hands deep into his pockets. “I’m not quite sure, but looks like I’ve lost…” he said and Koyama lifted up his eyebrows in confusion. “Eeeh?”

“When I came home tonight I found him in the living-room. He’d been crying and as far as I know from my talk with Ryo yesterday he wanted to convince Tegoshi to not leave NEWS. And that he mumbled something about ‘Ai nante’…Tegoshi hasn’t talked to me so far. But I’m sure he finally decided. And that he has decided against m. He whispered Ryo’s name tonight…”

Koyama patted Yamapi’s back. “Maybe it’s better that way.”

“Maybe? I would be glad when this would finally end? I can’t stand seeing him like this, Ryo either. We can’t help him without making it even worse. Whenever we want to cut the bonds he breaks down into this deep dark hole. I don’t want to see his far-away eyes. I don’t want to see him hiding his grief. I know we caused him all this trouble, but all I want now is that he is finally happy. I love him, but I have the feeling that I’m better with not loving him anymore. Don’t get me wrong…It’s just that…I don’t know what to do…”

“I understand, Pi…I fully understand you. I already got the thought, don’t be angry, that Tegoshi is better with Ryo.”

“I’m not angry.” Yamapi said honestly. “For a long time I really feared to lose him, but now…He smiles when he’s with me, the sparkle comes back to his eyes, but it doesn’t reach his heart. When he’s with Ryo-chan, his whole body, his whole aura shines. Does this sound stupid?”

“Mmh, no. It sounds right.”

“Maybe it’s wrong to push him back and forth between us like an out-worn teddy bear. But this time I made my final decision.”

“I’m proud of you. I really am proud of you.”

“This doesn’t help me a bit.”

Koyama sighed. He thought for a moment, stroking Yamapi’s back, who seemed pretty down. But then he got a brilliant idea. “But I know what would help you. All three of you!”

Yamapi looked up, his face a mixture of confusion and curiosity. Koyama smiled brightly. “It’s Shige!”



Chapter 19 deshita~~

aaah, finally I will have finished my Baby "The bet" by next chapter. Wuaah, and my A/L's come nearer and nearer T__T I guess this means I grow older, nee~~ because after my A/L's one huge and important part of my life will end. Is it normal that I fear the day I will never be allowed to go back to school? Because I still do not know what to do after school .___. Where should I go if not going to school chilling out and doing simply nothing?

green ryo-chan
Title: The bet - or such a thing called love
: RyoTego/TegoPi
: romance, drama
PG-13 (i think...?)
Ryo-chan and Yamapi bet that one of them will win Tegoshi's heart, both confident that they will win. So a rancorous fight begins, in which both use even the worst methods to better each other, not knowing, that Tegoshi, who stands between them, slowly sinks into despair because of his confused heart....
Disclaimer: Nothing of this like persons, names, places, buildings etc. belongs to me, except the storyline and the weird dialogues




It was raining. The streets were under water and lightenings lit the sky for seconds nearly every minute. Bursting loud thunder was following them immediately. Hundreds of people, hidden under their umbrellas ran as fast as they could to reach their homes. But there was somebody who ran against the flow of people. Somebody who didn’t know where his home was, where he belonged to.

The tears were invisible under the raindrops for a while now. He didn’t know his destination. After Ryo had left Tegoshi didn’t know where he could go to. Staying alone at Ryo’s apartment till he got back? Impossible. He feared the loneliness of the empty room’s, now Ryo has gone.

He felt the weight of the little key inside his pockets. It’s for Yamapi’s apartment. He’s waiting for you.

Was he really waiting? They haven’t spoken with each other since…then. Tegoshi was afraid. Was it okay to simply go back to Yamapi like this? Would he send him back? Ryo said he belonged to Yamapi, but why hadn’t tried to get in contact since then even once?

Since that fight Yamapi had with Ryo Tegoshi hadn’t spoken a word to Yamapi, though they had been even in the same room several times for a NEWS-Group discussion. Yamapi had always been busy when Tegoshi was around, so there had been no chance for them to even exchange some verbiage. It had seemed as if Tegoshi was pure nothing for him. If it would have not been for Ryo’s presence always near and caring for Tegoshi, then…Tegoshi didn’t even want to think about all the mess of emotions that would have arose again.

But now…He had no other place to go to. Well, he was sure Massu or Koyama would take him in, too, but that was nothing where he could stay for a longer period of time without explaining his situation. Koyama would have the sympathy, of course he would. Bute he wouldn’t be able to give Tegoshi what he needed. That would be impossible for him. Actually it was impossible for everyone. Except for those two persons, of whom one had left him a while ago and the others one just a few hours.

Tegoshi stopped and looked up. The rain was dripping down his hair, his nose and his clothes. He was wet and his throat sore. The steps up to Yamapi’s apartment seemed too high for him to climb and he feared what would await him up there. He gulped the fear down though and forced himself to walk up the stairs. But then he stood there soppy and shivering from the wind, lost by his courage and didn’t dare to knock or ring the bell. Of course he could use the key. But wasn’t it, though Ryo gave it to him with the permission of use, too rude to simply walk in there, all like “Honey, I’m home! Did you miss me?”

So Tegoshi did nothing, except sinking down onto the cold floor, his knees pulled against his chest, and trembling he waited for…Yeah, for what? Someone to fetch him, to care for him, to comfort him.

He didn’t notice the cold breeze, the rain and his mood overcame him and he laid his head with a little ‘plong’ against the door of Yamapi’s apartment and closed his eyes.


Yamapi looked up from the script he was just about to read. He thought he’d heard something. There had been a noise at the door. Or had he just imagined it through the steady whisper of rain?

He stared at the door for a moment and listened. Nothing.

He decided to concentrate back on the script. But no matter how hard he tried, his thought always drove off. Off to Tegoshi. How much did he wish to hold him in a close embrace….But he knew that the decision of leaving him with Ryo had been right. Yet his heart was still stronger than his mind. And the desire of wanting Tegoshi back grew bigger and bigger with every second he wasn’t with him. But the moments when they had to spent time together as NEWS were far more worse. He had the chance to be with Tegoshi, but also he was not allowed to. He had cherished the time Ryo had pleaded him to stay at Tegoshi’s bedside in the hospital. And he was grateful for Ryo letting him have those moments. But he wished he would have not been doomed to leave Tegoshi after some short hours again. Every time he had turned around, facing his back to Tegoshi he felt as if he had cut out a part of himself. Every time again and again, until he was just a fragmented broken piece of nothing. Yamapi had never know before the meaning of the word “heartache”. Now he knew it was the term for a hungry, hurting, biting monster which ate him up from the inside non-stop.

Yamapi twitched up from his soda. He had heard the noise again. This time he was damned sure that there was something outside at his door. He looked out of the window. Heavy clouds were throwing big raindrops through the stormy night. Who the heck would deliberately take a step out of his own warm home during this weather? Maybe it was just his neighbour asking for  some coffee to borrow. But wouldn’t be nearly 11pm a bit too late for a fresh batch of caffeine? Curiously Yamapi went to the door and looked through the peephole. The hall was empty. Strange…Yamapi wondered and opened the door. Immediately he felt a jerk at his legs and he looked down.

“Dear, Holy Crap!” He shouted in surprise, finding Tegoshi at the doormat, exhausted, completely wet and tear-stained. “Tesshi, what’s wrong? What happened?”

But Tegoshi just sobbed having his head laid against Yamapi’s knee. He wasn’t able to say a word. Overwhelming emotions have been taking him over since the moment he had heard Yamapi’s voice. There was grief, sorrow, despair, qualms – and most of all relief. He hadn’t heard that familiar beloved sound of Yamapi’s voice for how long now? He hasn’t noticed how much he has missed it.

“Tesshi…Ssh….Calm down.” Yamapi put his strong warm arms around him and pulled him tightly to his chest. Tegoshi could hear his heartbeat. “Everything is okay.”

“No…” Tegoshi pressed out between two hoarse subs. “Not, it’s not. Ryo is away. I’m alone….And I who abandoned you…am here now…Nothing is okay.”

Yamapi patted Tegoshi’s head. “Everything it okay now.” He said with emphasis, laid his index finger under Tegoshi’s chin and lifted his face up. He deeply looked into Tegoshi’s round wet puppy-eyes.

Tegoshi swallowed. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being so nice to me. I…I thought you wouldn’t care about me anymore…” Tegoshi’s voice broke off.

Yamapi sighed, a sigh full of grief. “I’ve tried so.” He whispered. “I thought it would be easier for you that way. I thought it would help you if I start to ignore you. All I want is for you to be happy. And in order for that one of us had to give up…Ryo’s my best friend after all.”

“I’ve missed you…” Tegoshi’s voice was trembling. Yamapi stroke his cheeks.

“I’ve missed you far more.” He said and Tegoshi didn’t dare to deny it. He knew that Yamapi had been alone the whole time while he had spent his days happily with Ryo.

“I’m sorry.” Tears were rolling down Tegoshi’s face again.

“Everything it okay now. “ Yamapi repeated and the he leaned down his head to kiss Tegoshi.

Is it really okay…Ryo?


The days passed by and Tegoshi got used to living with Yamapi. It was comfortable. Yamapi was mature and calm, he cooked for him, cared for him, he washed his clothes and Tegoshi noticed that they lost Ryo’s scent and turned into Yamapi’s. It was the third night when Tegoshi wore one of his favourite hoodies and he felt kind of puzzled as he nestled down into the soft cloth and couldn’t find any of Ryo’s scent in there anymore. Realizing that fact gave him a painful twitch.

Yamapi hugged him often and Tegoshi felt that he needed the physical contact. It felt good when Yamapi stroke along his waist when he assed him in the kitchen. He got goose bumps every time they kissed. He slept like a baby in Yamapi’s arms during night. They lived peacefully together and though Yamapi was always around him in order to not let Tegoshi get sad, the little one missed his Ryo-chan a lot. Of course he was happy that Yamapi took him in without hesitating. But Tegoshi wanted to know why Ryo had left him. What did he do wrong?

And then the days came when their days off ended and they had their first days as NEWS during their concert tour again. Due to Tegoshi’s break-down they had postponed the last concert for two weeks, so the final was now just 2 days away. Tegoshi felt nervous even before he entered the dressing room. He knew Ryo was in there, he had to be, this was work after all.

Yamapi’s hand shove into his one and squeezed it gently. “Don’t worry.” Yamapi whispered encouraging and smiled at him. “I’m right behind you.”

Tegoshi opened the door and immediately 3 persons ran up to him. Kei-chan hugged him. Massu patted his back with his warmest Pooh-Bear-Smile and Shige grinned: “Oh, our Mr. Big Mouth is back.” Tegoshi laughed. “I knew you missed me” He said with the arrogant voice he so perfectly mastered. Secretly he was looking around the room. And there he was, sitting on the sofa, deeply sunken into the pillows, his hands in the pockets of his worn-out-jeans. Ryo. He was different from the way Yamapi had been. Yamapi had tried to ignore him, but Ryo sat there and stared at Tegoshi. Simply stared at him. He didn’t say a word, he didn’t move a bit. He just stared with his bitterly, painful sad eyes.

Tegoshi felt about to cry again, wanted to run to him, cling onto his arms and say how much he wished him to take him back. But he felt Yamapi right behind him, just as he’d promised him some minutes ago, which held him back. So Tegoshi just nodded “Hey, Ryo-chan.” He said in a low voice and carefully stepped nearer. He knew Yamapi was watching while Koyama, Massu and Shige tried to open a conversation. “Hi, Tegoshi.” Ryo whispered in his husky voice. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” Tegoshi answered, knowing that Ryo’s actually question behind that was something like “Does he take good care of you?” Tegoshi hadn’t noticed how well he hat gotten to know Ryo in this short period of time.

“That’s good.”

“And…How about you?”

“As the circumstances demand.” Ryo replied for which Tegoshi was grateful. “Thank you.” He said. Ryo looked at him. Puzzled.

“For your honesty. Thank you for not lying to me.”

“I’ve never lied to you.” Ryo’s eyes were so full of sorrow Tegoshi could hardly bear it. He so wanted to cling onto Ryo. But he couldn’t and he was glad when the staff-san came into the dressing room to get whole NEWS for the rehearsal.

For the rest of the day they didn’t exchanged a word, but as often as their eyes met Tegoshi could feel Ryo’s pain. He could see it through the whole Dome.

And he knew Yamapi was aware of that. But Yamapi didn’t lose a word about that, yet Tegoshi could see it in his eyes as well. It brought back the guilt and made him realize how he must mean to Yamapi. He even lets be so near to Ryo though he knows I haven’t given up on him yet…And if I’m honest…I don’t want to. I don’t want to lose Ryo.

Tegoshi sighed. He’d never thought that being honest with oneself could be so painful.

After the rehearsal was over everyone went back to the dressing room. But nobody noticed, that half-way Yamapi pulled Ryo away and into another hallway.

“What?” Ryo asked provokingly. “Are you going to beat me up again?”

“No, of course not…At least not now.”

“Oh, that makes me totally glad.”

“Stop the irony, Ryo.” Yamapi scolded him seriously. “I have something to talk to you about.”

“If you want me to stay away from Tegoshi then I can promise you that I’m already doing my best.”

“It’s not that. Though it concerns Tegoshi.” Yamapi sighed. “Why did you leave him?”

“It doesn’t feel right.” Ryo said, suddenly calm and sad. “You don’t know but Koyama told me that Tegoshi was in love with you even before our bet. You won.”

“Maybe I did. But the situation changed. Tegoshi’s feelings now are important, Ryo. And he still can’t decide.”

“That’s why I try to get some distance. If I’m ignoring him like you did…No, that’s impossible for me. I could never ignore him.”

“Thanks for your nice method of making reproaches.”

“That’s actually not my intention, but I’m happy that it worked out that way thought.” Ryo said in a sarcastic voice. “Did he stop thinking about quitting?”

“Quitting?” Yamapi looked puzzled.

“Tesshi wanted to quit NEWS. Did he give up on that thought?”

Yamapi stared at his best friend. “I wonder…Did he?”

“That’s what I’m asking you.”

“I don’t know…”


I'm so terribly sorry I didn't updated sooner. Life was keeping me busy - REALLY busy. Till august I'm in my last year of school, so I really have to study a lot. And also love keeps me busy ~^___^~ hehe~~ I know I said I wanted to finish 'The Bet' by september I guess, but now it's already mid-december v__v" I feel so terribly sorry that I let you wait for so long. I hope you can forgive me. Now that I finished my third semester and have still one left till my A-Levels I feel kind of relieved and full of panic. I've always thought there would be so much time left, but actually I will take my final exams in May...that's really not that much time I realised the other day. wuaaah~ PANIC!! I'm glad I finally found the time to write down the next chapter, though I've already finished 'The Bet' in my notebook, it still isn't everything digitally on my pc. Maybe this chapter is something like a christmas present and 'please forgive me for not updating sooner'compensation the same time...?
green ryo-chan

Title: The bet - or such a thing called love
Chapter: [17/20]
Pairing: RyoTego/TegoPi
Genre: romance, drama
Rating: PG-13 (i think...?)
Summary: Ryo-chan and Yamapi bet that one of them will win Tegoshi's heart, both confident that they will win. So a rancorous fight begins, in which both use even the worst methods to better each other, not knowing, that Tegoshi, who stands between them, slowly sinks into despair because of his confused heart....
Disclaimer: Nothing of this like persons, names, places, buildings etc. belongs to me, except the storyline and the weird dialogues

~ ~


Yamapi walked down the hallway with darn sure steps. He knew he was acing out of anger and that he would regret it afterwards, but he also felt the need of it. He found Ryo sitting together with Shige and Massu lobby. Ryo stopped talking even before Yamapi was near enough to hear their talk. “Yo, Pi, what’s wrong?” Of course Ryo could see the pissed, furious expression on his best friends face. Yamapi stopped right in front of the arm-chair Ryo was sitting in, the hands clenched into fists in order to not punch him right away.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Yamapi asked with a serious voice.

“Of course, what’s wrong?”

“Just the two of us.”

“Oh…okay.” Ryo looked confused, yet he stood up and smiled at Shige. “I’ll be right back.”

Yamapi turned around and walked ahead, followed by a curious Ryo. They didn’t lost a word until they found an empty hallway where Yamapi suddenly turned around to face his best friend. His angry face made Ryo twitch a bit. “What’s wrong?” he repeated his question, but Yamapi cut him off: “Don’t act so innocently!”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“Bloody hell, I do not know! Why the heck are you shouting at me?”

Yamapi bristled in anger and shook his head in disbelief. “You’re insisting?”

“Insisting on what?” Ryo asked impatiently. “Fuck, you called me out and just started to let out your rage or whatever out on me without any reason! I would be very glad if you would tell me why you are that furious. I’m sorry that I’m obviously so stupid to not be able to follow your incoherent reproaches. Shit, what did I do to you?”

“You’re the one who’s manipulating Tesshi so he will definitely choose on you, aren’t you?”

“Why should I do that?”

“That’s what I’m asking you!”

Ryo narrowed his eyes, laughing bitterly. “I can’t believe you’re thinking so badly of me. I never did anything harming you. Why should I do so now?”

“Mmmh, I’m not quite sure.” Yamapi acted like he would seriously think of it. “Well, let’s see….Maybe to make yourself looking better in front of Tegoshi?”

“As if I would need that.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s obvious he likes me more, deshou?  You can’t deny that.” Ryo said in an arrogant voice and placed his hands deep inside the pockets of his favourite worn-out jeans. A big mistake, because the next moment Yamapi hit him hard right into the face.


“Are you sure about that? I know they’re fighting for you, but…” Koyama looked worrying at little sobbing Tegoshi. He couldn’t believe what he just heard a second ago.

“I am sure. It’s best this way. And I can’t stand this situation longer anyway.”

“But…” Koyama didn’t find any reasons to convince Tegoshi of the opposite. “Did you already talked to Johnny-san?”

Tegoshi shook his head. “I want to tell it after the tour is over. I don’t want to leave NEWS in a big fuss right now, so I will wait.”

“Tesshi…” Koyama didn’t know what to say further. “I will miss you.”

“I will miss you, too, Kei-chan.” Tegoshi held out his arms and Koyama hugged him tightly. “Can you please hold it a secret for a while? I want to tell it to the others when the right time has come.”

Koyama was sure that there would never be a right time for such an crucial message, but he nodded though. “Thank you a lot…Maybe I should look for Yamapi. He’s away for a while now for just getting me a soup. I don’t want him to worry about me that much. I feel better now. Maybe I should go to tell him that.” Tegoshi mumbled more or less to himself than to Koyama and crawled out of the bed.

“Take care, Tego-nyan.”

“Mh, I will do my best.”

Tegoshi left, a tiny little bundle of troubles, and Koyama let out a sad sigh. “Guess my only chance is to talk to Yamapi and Ryo, ne~”


Tegoshi ran right onto the fist-fight Yamapi and Ryo had in the hallway. They didn’t notice him – too important was their desire to punch each other so badly. Yamapi’s nose was already bleeding and Ryo’s lips were red and swollen. There Tegoshi was, completely overextended with the situation and didn’t know what to do. He didn’t even feel like asking why the heck they were fighting nor did he have the power to interrupt this hilarious, but serious fight. His brain didn’t seem to realize what his eyes saw. But it realized what his ears heard.

“You don’t know how it is to be deeply in love with him!” Ryo screamed and his fist bumped into the air next to Yamapi’s face.

“How dare you? At least I do care about his emotions instead of always confusing him!”

“The one who is confusing him is you! If you wouldn’t always interrupt and swirl around his feelings he already would be mine!”

Yamapi let out a bitter laughter. “You really believe in this stupid shit? Just because you confessed to him before I could do so you think you do have the right to claim him as yours?”

“Hell, yeah, I do!” Ryo boxed into Yamapi’s stomach.

Tegoshi’s mouth opened in shock, when Yamapi gulped and bent down in pain. Just when he was about to fall down he mobilized his whole power to throw both his fist into Ryo’s chest and both of them fell over each other and to the ground. They were a bundle of arms and legs and Tegoshi couldn’t tell what belonged to whom. He heard the strained groans of Yamapi and Ryo, which cut through his heart.

They’re fighting you…Koyama’s voice echoed in his ears and Tegoshi’s head began to hurt again. They’re fighting because of…me…I am the reason why they’re fighting. They’re friendship…It’s me…

Tegoshi desperately watched the scene in front of him, watched Yamapi and Ryo beating each other up. His thoughts went crazy, the noise was too much for him. “Stop it…” he whispered. “Please stop it…”

Of course they didn’t hear him. “Stop it please.” He repeated, a bit louder this time. His voice was trembling. “Stop it!!” He shouted with all his might. Finally Ryo and Yamapi let go of each other. They were shocked to see Tegoshi standing there, who did probably watch their whole fight. 

“Tesshi…” Yamapi whispered, but then he remembered. “Tegoshi, you’re fever!”

“Fever?” Ryo asked with surprise, immediately worried. “Why didn’t you tell me he has a fever?”

“As if you would care for him properly.”

“I do! I-“

“Stop it!” Tegoshi yelled and Ryo was quiet. “You might be thinking that you hurt each other, but the one who suffers the most is me, deshou? You might be thinking that I can decide, but I have no choice, when both of you are willing to fight till the end. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t. It’s so painful. Don’t you know that it’s me who’s hurt the most? It’s me! Not you…Not you…” Tears were falling down his cheeks, his face was filled with despair and he looked from Yamapi to Ryo-chan with his blurred, pain filled puppy-eyes. “It’s me.” And with a last hopeless gaze his shoulders sank down and he lost his consciousness.


 It was completely silent. Yamapi and Ryo sat o the hard, uncomfortable hospital seats in the hallway, not noticing the busy nurses and doctors passing by. They stared at the door in front of them, knowing that their little Tegoshi laid in there.

“I didn’t know we causes so much trouble for him…” Ryo whispered.

“All I wanted was to win against you.” Yamapi admitted.

“We broke him. I would never forgive myself if I made him unhappy. I mean, I will never forget this look in his eyes.”

“It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”

It followed another long silence. Then, so quietly it was hardly heard: “I give up, Pi.”


“I give up. He’ll be happy with you. He loves you.”

“He loves both of you.”

Yamapi and Ryo whirled around. Koyama headed towards them. Both looked at him with pure fear. “He loves both of you.” He said again. “But his heart is confused. Both of you were pulling at one side of him, trying to win him, but in the end you tore him up right in the middle. One of you has to give up for his sake. You have to. Otherwise, I think, He won’t be able to recover.”

“I will” Ryo began, but Yamapi simply stood up and left without a word, without looking back. Koyama and Ryo watched him in silence. Just in this moment the door of Tegoshi’s restroom opened and a nurse stepped out. “He’s awake now.” She said. “He need to rest, but you can talk to him.”

Ryo was still paralyzed from Yamapi’s sudden left, so Koyama punched him in the rips. “Ow!”

“Go in!”


“He’s waiting for you. At least for one.”


“No ‘but’! Go!” And Koyama pulled Ryo up, pushed him into the restroom and closed the door behind him. Ryo stood there stiffened. Tegoshi laid in a bet at the window, the blanket over him and a lot of pillow’s stuffed in his back. He looked so pale and weak.

“Ryo…” he said with a husky, scratchy voice. Ryo stepped further. From the near Tegoshi looked even more breakable. His tiny little hands reached out for Ryo’s and Ryo grabbed them in fear. “I’m here.” He whispered, gulping down the big dumpling in his throat. “I’m sorry, Yu-chan. I am so horribly sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you so much.” He felt the tears in his eyes, yet he didn’t even try to swallow them down. “Yu-chan… I am a bad human, deshou? I’ve never intended to make you so sad. I’ve never wanted to hurt you. I…Fuck, I just wanted you to love me…” Ryo’s throat led out some hoarse sobs and he stood there, next to the bed, with trembling shoulders and a broken heart. He didn’t know how to calm down, he didn’t even want to. He felt so horrible he just wanted to cry out everything for the rest of his life. He didn’t dare to open his wining, tear-filled eyes. Then, suddenly and so slight, he felt a warm touch, so gentle and tender at his hands. It was Tegoshi, holding his cramped fingers. “Ryo.” He whispered with such an understanding voice Ryo gasped for air just to sob everything out again. “It’s okay.” Tegoshi said comforting and Ryo twitched back. It was too much for him. He was the wrong one, he was the reason why Tegoshi was so pale-skinned an exhausted in the hospital, and still Tegoshi was the one comforting him. He didn’t deserve any consolation at all. Ryo stepped back. “Don’t be so nice to me.”


“Don’t be so nice to me! What I’ve done to you is the worst crime I could’ve committed. Don’t you understand? I caused you so much grief. I!” He wanted to leave the room. He couldn’t stand seeing Tegoshi’s harried, innocent, matt eyes. His body still trembled due to sobbing. He turned around and reached out for the door knob.

“Don’t leave me.”

Ryo stiffened in the movement. He heard Tegoshi’s heavy breath panic. “Ryo…I’m begging you…Please don’t leave me…”

Ryo didn’t dare to move.

And then he heard it. That weak, heartbreakingly whimper. Tegoshi’s whimper. “Ryo…you can’t leave me now…” This tiny hardly audible voice of Tegoshi was more than he could endure. He wanted to run out, he felt so darn guilty to have caused so much trouble to such an innocent helpless creature. But it was Tegoshi’s pleading, his complete fragile, weak pleading, which stopped Ryo from going so.


With faltered steps Ryo turned back, the eyes stuck to the ground. He knew he would tear apart when he would look at Tegoshi, though he felt it would be a deserved punishment for him. Without saying a word he sat down on the uncomfortable chair next to Tegoshi’s bed.

“Thank you…” He whispered, finally breathing a bit calmer. “Ne, Ryo…Look up…Please.” Ryo felt Tegoshi’s finger at his cheek. It felt icy-cold. “Don’t make such a face. It makes me sad.”

“A reason more why I should leave you.” Ryo mumbled in bitterness. He heard Tegoshi’s little sigh. “Don’t be stupid.” He said. “I’m glad you’re here. By my side.”

“Though I caused you so much pain? Look at you! You’re in the hospital! You collapsed! How can my presence make you happy?!”


“Don’t touch me!”

Tegoshi stopped in the movement. He never once saw Ryo so furious. And so pitiful.

“You’re scaring me…”

Ryo clenched his fists. “Yu-chan…Tegoshi, I’m not suited to be with you. Yamapi is far more better for you.” Ryo’s throat was sore as he tried to speak out what his heart defended with all its might. “You know he left for your sake? He gave up in order to give you happiness. You loved him for a long time now. He’s you prince charming. He’s dependable, manly, he has a strong sense of responsibility, he’s stead, he is somebody you can rely on. You need a person like him. You need him more than me.” Ryo didn’t dare to say that he actually had decided to leave first. It was best for his little ‘Yu-chan’ not to know.

It was completely silent for a moment. And then, with a tiny, fearing voice Tegoshi asked: “Are you going to break up with me…?”

Finally Ryo looked up, his eyes filled with tears. His face showed pure grief as he nodded.

“No…” Tegoshi whispered in disbelief, his eyes widened in shock. “No…No! No!” He panicked again. His breath became irregular, his heartbeat so fast it hurt. “No, Ryo-chan! No!” Tears fell down on his blankets as he tried to struggle himself out of the bet. He reached out for Ryo’s strong shoulders, stumbled over the layers of sheets and blankets. He nearly fell down the bed and Ryo just sat there, did nothing. As much as Tegoshi shook him, Ryo didn’t look into his eyes. Finally, full of despair, Tegoshi broke down and leaned limply and powerless at Ryo’s chest. He sobbed silently. Out of reflex Ryo put his arms around him. He rocked little Tegoshi, who cried unstable, like a little baby. “Gomen, Yu-chan. Gomen ne…” he whispered over and over, feeling so awful guilty, as Tegoshi cried himself to sleep. Ryo wiped the tears off his wet cheeks with his thumbs. After all he cared for him so much. Little Tegoshi was his one and only. Ryo wanted to hug him so tightly, never let him go, but he feared to break Tegoshi’s fragile structure. He has become so skinny. Since when did he stop eating meals properly? Ryo could feel the pure ribs as he stroke Tegoshi’s small back. He didn’t know how long he sat so, his innocent helpless protégé in his arms, when the door opened quietly.

“How is he?” Koyama asked with worry, and sighed as he stood next to Ryo and looked down at Tegoshi’s exhausted face. “What for god’s sake did you do to him?” he wanted to know, not reproachfully, but with a slight resignation.

“I told him that I would let him go. That I would break up with him so he can be happy with Pi…” Totally heartbroken Ryo looked with a bitterly, warm smile at Tegoshi, who still sobbed a little, though he was already sound asleep.

Koyama sighed again and sat down on Tegoshi’s bed in front of Ryo. “Did you have to tell him that right now? You might think it’s best for him, but he’s so instable, so weak. He suffered a lot the last weeks. He was in love with Yamapi nearly a half year and was totally hyper when Pi finally responded to his feelings. But then there was also you. You, who made him laugh so easily and forget all his worries. Though he was happy with Yamapi, there was a different happiness when he was with you. You two always fought with each other over his attention. Ryo…Do you know that he’d thought of quitting NEWS?”

Ryo stared at him in shock. “Impossible…!”

Koyama shook is head. “H e really considered it, or he still does so. He’s told me about it before he…” Koyama looked at Tegoshi totally worn-out in Ryo’s arms. “Before…Ryo, he might have looked strong, but inside he felt so much pain, because he loves both of you. And he can’t decide. Not yet. But he has to. Do you understand?”

“So…what should I do? I don’t know how to handle it. I never thought it would end up this way. All I want is to see him happy.” Ryo said desperately. “I don’t want to see that broken look on his face anymore…”

“I’ll give you and advice.” Koyama fixed Ryo’s eyes, which longed for a solution like a drowning man for a helping hand. “Take care for him till he gets better. Give him the time he needs. And then you can still break up with him if you want to. But first he needs to be mentally prepared again. If you abandon him now…I really don’t want to think about that.”

“But…” Ryo didn’t finish his sentence. There wasn’t anything to say anymore. Koyama’s advice was the only thing he could follow now.

“Isn’t it like I would lie to him?”

“You love him. Since when is love a lie?”


“Watch out the step!”

Tegoshi rolled his eyes. “I am not blind. And I’m not stupid either.” He said.

“But I just…” Ryo began, but Tegoshi cut him off. “I know. And it’s cute. But it also annoys me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Arrgh, Ryo-chan! You know what annoys me even more than your worrying? It’s your steady apologizing.”

Ryo didn’t answer and just walked ahead with Tegoshi’s bag. He have had to stay in the hospital for whole three days and was just released. Ryo did as Koyama has told him. He stayed at Tegoshi’s side. And Yamapi hasn’t shown up once. At least not when Tegoshi has been awake. He only had visited him at night time, short before Ryo had climbed into the bed set up for him next to Tegoshi’s. Yamapi then had been sitting there, watching Tegoshi’s sleeping face for around an hour, without saying a word or touching him. Ryo had argued a lot with the nurses to get the permission for Yamapi to come out of the visiting hours. He had to promise that it wouldn’t cause any stress for Tegoshi. That wouldn’t have been Yamapi’s intention anyway. When Ryo had called him asking him to come he immediately set up that condition: Tegoshi mustn’t get to know that plan. And Ryo agreed. Of course he did. He understood. He understood Yamapi so well. And he was grateful that his best friend was with him at least this one hour at this crucial time they actually should be the most separated. And Ryo knew how hard it had been for Yamapi to sit there, seeing the one he gave up willingly but with a broken heart.

Of course Ryo had told Yamapi that Tegoshi has been discharged today. But he didn’t show up. Ryo didn’t accused him for that. It was only natural. He was sure he would have done the same. It was killing enough to let Tegoshi go, so why torturing yourself over and over? It would have just being unable to stop Tegoshi going away from him unopposed. Yes, Ryo understood. That’s why he has decided to take Tegoshi in again. But just as long as he needed to fully recover.

And then would send him back to Yamapi. It would be fair. He deserved Tegoshi. They both deserved each other. Ryo didn’t have the right to disturb their love. Not, not he, he not.

“Where are you again?” Tegoshi asked, stroking away the worrying wrinkle between Ryo’s eyebrows. “You’re looking so sad…”

Ryo blinked, smiled a bit, before he closed his eyes and lead his head into Tegoshi’s hand at his cheek. He took a deep breath and enjoyed the warm, familiar touch. They stood like this for a moment, Ryo with a complete satisfied face and little Tegoshi who marvelled at Ryo’s splendid expression. They didn’t need to say a thing. It was perfectly fine this moment the way it was. “It’s a good feeling…” Ryo whispered after a while with still closed eyes.


“Being comforted by you.”

“I’ll always comfort you.” Tegoshi said, lifted up to his tiptoes and gave Ryo a slight kiss.

“Don’t be so easy with the word ‘always’, Yu-chan. It’s like ‘forever’.”

“You talk like you want to get rid of me…” Tegoshi said with a sudden sad tone in his voice. Ryo looked down at his little Yu-chan, deadly serious. “You know this is the least thing I want. So stop talking shit like this.” But the fact he didn’t want to, didn’t change that he had to. Ryo sighed and pulled Tegoshi into a tight embrace. He placed his head onto Tegoshi’s and stroked through his soft baby-hair. “Yu-chan…You know there’s nothing I wish more than to be with you.”

“Mh…” Tegoshi made against Ryo’s warm chest.

“And you also know that I love you.”

“Do I?”

Ryo chuckled. “Don’t be so innocent. This is one of the reasons why I love you.” He said and tickled Tegoshi’s side. He adored the cheeky squeal that followed due to that. “You simply crack me up…”

Tegoshi giggled. He’d missed this so much. It was so easy to be happy when Ryo was around him. It made him feel light and fluffy. The whole three days in the hospital he’d felt far more better than the last weeks before. “It feels good.”

“What?” Ryo looked down at Tegoshi’s angelic face, a warm shine in his dark eyes. That was the thing Tegoshi had missed the most. Ryo’s gaze resting on him with attentive, caring stare. It was like he was being watched by an overcautious, sensitive, fond guardian. It made him feel important. It made him feel needed. It made him feel loved.

“Everything.” Tegoshi answered honestly and smiled. “Everything.” He repeated, just because a double vocalizing made it stronger, so this feeling inside his chest wouldn’t vanish that fast. And Ryo smiled back at him.

But when little Tegoshi turned around to hop up the stairs the smile fell off his face and in place of that he looked after Tegoshi with his bitter, hurt and sad eyes.

“I am so sorry, but I will have to leave you…my little Yu-chan…”


“Wuaah, out of the way, out of the way!”

Tegoshi opened his eyes in surprise and jumped out of Ryo’s way in the last second. “Watch out, dangerous, dangerous.” Ryo laughed and threw the pan into the sink. Immediately he opened the spigot and the cold water whooshed in the hot pan. Tegoshi drove nearer. They both looked kind of pitiful at the completely charred rests of their lunch.

“Sorry, Yu-chan. Guess we’ll have to starve now, ne~” Ryo smiled whimsically with lifted shoulders and the head laid to the side. Tegoshi chuckled. “I don’t mind starving if we would just continue were we stopped before we nearly burned down your kitchen.” He said with a slinky smile and Ryo grinned. “Well, that would sate my hunger even more.” He replied and gently laid his hands around Tegoshi’s slim waist. Tenderly he leaned down to kiss Tegoshi, who cupped Ryo’s face with his tiny hands. Ryo pulled Tegoshi closer and he got butterflies in his stomach when he heard Tegoshi’s satisfied sigh. He smiled into the kiss.

Then he carefully pressed himself against Tegoshi’s body and as they got more and more passionately Ryo navigated himself and Tegoshi into his bedroom.

With a slight –buff- he closed the door behind them with his feed.


The days passed by and Tegoshi really blossomed again. Ryo fulfilled every wish he had, trying to use the bare time he had left with his Yu-chan. He smiled and enjoyed every single second he spent with him. But as soon as Tegoshi wasn’t by his side, even when he was just in another room, the smile vanished from his face and he had to fight the tears by gulping them down like an alcoholic a good-tasting wine. He was glad Tegoshi got visibly better every day, but he was also aware that with his better state the time to break up, to say goodbye, came nearer and nearer with huge unstoppable steps. He reared that crucial day. He feared it so much…

Every time he held Tegoshi in his arms – and he held him a lot – he embrace him even tighter, trying to cherish and memorize it for later, when Tegoshi wouldn’t be with him anymore.

And then, one morning where he was again awake long before Tegoshi, when he marvelled at his peaceful sleeping face, he knew that day had come. Otherwise he would’ve just pushed it away in front of him forever. Carefully he moved out of the bed. His naked feed quietly tapped on the floor. He had his things already packed for nearly a week now. He left a notice and a key at the table. He gently kissed the sleeping Tegoshi on the forehead, on the nose, on his soft lips, whispered: “I love you, Yu-chan”, tears where running down his cheeks. But he left. It was killing him. But he left.


When Tegoshi woke up a few hours later he immediately noticed something was wrong. There was no Ryo. The place beside him was empty and cold. Nobody. He was alone. In a matter of seconds he was out of the bed. “No…” he whispered disbelieving, fearing, founding Ryo’s closet empty as well. “No…” He saw the notice…saw the key. “No…Please…No…”

His hands were shivering and his world tore into pieces. He already knew what the notice said even before he’d read it.


Yu-chan…I will be away for some days. I won’t come back to you. Take this key. It’s for Yamapi’s apartment. He’s waiting for you. He’s always waited for you. I’m sorry I’m leaving you that way. But it’s the best this way.

Take care. Become happy.                                                      Ryo


Chapter 17 deshita~~
Sorry, this came out quite long, ne~~ ^////^;
3 chapters left and I can't wait to finish this story, hehe :D But I already started to write another one~~ So I plan on releasing the first chapter of "The Problem with my best friend's boyfriend" after the last chap of "The bet" ^___^
Thanks as always to everybody who reads this, everybody who leaves a comment and everybody who supports me.
Due to my vacation I couldn't update sooner. I've already said so often I will try to update sooner, but somehow I can't fulfill those promises, gomen ne~ v__v° But this time I really plan on finishing this whole "The bet"-thing till the beging of september! Yepp, high expectations xD
So, maybe I will leave someone's with "Oh no!!" with Ryo's sudden leave, I'm sorry :D But I tried to fill in this little Ero-scene where it's left up to your imagination what really happened in the bedroom ;D
And I still have some chapters left, so don't worry, everything can change, hehe :D

4th-Aug-2009 08:14 pm - fanart: Shige-chaaaan
green ryo-chan
hehe, maybe I'm trying to draw the whole bunch of NEWS-Guys =D
I've tried several times before to draw Shige, but finally this time I got a kind of acceptable result xD Though his eyes are smashed up and the glasses crooked xD And now I see it scanned his whole face is kinda...eerm yeah...but his lips!! *searches desperately for a got point* his lips are...a bit crooked too *sighs* oh no, I messed him up again v__v


Oh, and, my dearest Shige-chan...Your face raped my white pencil!! xD

green ryo-chan
Title: The bet - or such a thing called love
Chapter: [16/20]
Pairing: RyoTego/TegoPi
Genre: romance, drama
Rating: PG-13 (i think...?)
Summary: Ryo-chan and Yamapi bet that one of them will win Tegoshi's heart, both confident that they will win. So a rancorous fight begins, in which both use even the worst methods to better each other, not knowing, that Tegoshi, who stands between them, slowly sinks into despair because of his confused heart....
Disclaimer: Nothing of this like persons, names, places, buildings etc. belongs to me, except the storyline and the weird dialogues

~ ~



Tegoshi slept shoddily that night. He threw himself anxiously from one side to the other one and whimpered. He had a nightmare. Ryo woke up from the sound of Tegoshi’s desperate voice. He saw his painful, sad face and without hesitating he pulled Tegoshi into his arms and held him tightly Nearly immediately Tegoshi’s whimpers silenced.

“Sssh…” Ryo made anyway as if he pampered a baby. Tegoshi’s sleeping face was still heartbreakingly sad, full of grief and sorrow, but he sighed, totally worn out and moved further into Ryo’s protective embrace. With his fingers he grabbed Ryo’s shirt and held it.

And again Ryo was worrying what in the world was troubling Tegoshi so much.


Tegoshi felt sick the next morning. His throat was swollen and his voice scratchy. He felt as if he wouldn’t have slept a single minute that night. Ha was powerless when he woke up and had no motivation for the day. But he forced himself to get out of the bed anyway. Ryo was already away, but he’d left a message on the table, saying he was at home meeting his parents and siblings. Tegoshi was glad to be alone. He didn’t want Ryo to see him like that, because it would have just brought his worry for him back.

Tegoshi’s head was aching as if 100 elephants would have a great party in there. But this pain was nothing against his heart. It felt empty, though it was heavy like a lead weight inside his chest.

After he’d looked at the clock which told him it was around lunch-time he decided to take a hot bath. The thick overwhelming air befuddled him even more, but he was too dull to even realize it. His head was full of nothing, but his brain weight as much as his heart. He just laid there in the bathtub, the hot water nearly boiling him and stared at the flagging on the walls. The pain in his head vibrated behind his forehead. He nearly fell asleep after some time, so he struggled himself out of the bathtub. With slow heavy steps he walked to his bed, just in shorts, and crawled under the blankets. He was terribly cold, but his head felt still so unbearable hot from the bath. He didn’t realize he slipped into shallow sleep after a few minutes.

He woke up from some noise. There was somebody with him in the room. He forced his eyes a bit open, but his sight was blurred. He groaned.

“Tesshi?” A worried voice. It took a moment till he noticed whose it was.

“Pi…-chan?” he whispered and narrowed his eyes, trying to get a clear glimpse of the face in front of him.

“Mh.” Was the answer. “Are you okay?”

Tegoshi needed to breathe in and out a few times to get the energy to reply. “I’m not sure…I’m…not so good…”

“Thought so… You don’t seem alright.”

Tegoshi felt a hand touching his cheek, but immediately stopping in the movement. “Shit, Tegoshi!”

“What?” Yamapi’s shocked shout echoed in his head, leaving beats of pain as it wavered out.

“You’re hot! I mean, you’re burning!” Yamapi’s hand felt icy-cold and good on his forehead. “You have a damn high fever!”


Tegoshi took a deep breath. “Oh…” he groaned and tried a weak smile. “Sorry…”

“’Oh?’ Gosh, Tesshi, you have at least 40°C!”

Tegoshi didn’t know what to say. Yamapi’s usually so well-sounding voice was incredibly loud in his sore head. “Please…calm down…” he pleaded and closed his eyes in exhaustion.

“Calm down?” Yamapi repeated in shock. Tegoshi’s face was wet due to sweat. He didn’t know what to do. He was sure he had to bring down the fever no matter what, but he didn’t have any medicine.


“I’m going to ask somebody for something against fever, okay? Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

“Okay…” Tegoshi nodded with greatest effort. And then he felt a pair of comfortable soft lips onto his own ones. But before he could open his eyes to look if it wasn’t just his tired imagination that went crazy without his weak body being able to control his wishes, he heard Yamapi leaving the room and closing the door behind himself. Tegoshi laid there in silence again. The fact Yamapi were here stirred him up, but not as much as it would’ve done when his head would have not been so foggy. He could still feel Yamapi’s lips, but he had imagined them so much onto his own ones up till now, he couldn’t say this time was true, not a childish daydream again. The blankets felt thick and heavy on his chest and he was so hot, yet he feared to get cold as soon as he lifted them a bit to get some fresh air at his body.

Just when he was about to slip into sleep again Yamapi came back, and with him Koyama. Tegoshi could hear his voice.

“Tegoshi?” Yamapi asked full of worry in a low tone. “Tesshi? Koyama has some painkillers. They should bring down your fever too.”

“Mmmh…” was all Tegoshi was able to bring out.

“Can you sit up to flush the pills down with some water?”


He heard a little sigh. “Come on.  I’ll help you, okay?” Tegoshi felt Yamapi’s pleasantly cold hands in his neck and on his back. Everything in his head swirled a moment when Yamapi sat him up in the pillows. He had no other chance now than to open his eyes. He looked into Yamapi’s worried face, and right behind that he could see the shape of Koyama. “Here, open your mouth.” Yamapi said in a low voice and pushed a little pill between his lips into his mouth.

“You have to drink it up.” Koyama said, but it was unnecessary. As soon as the first drop touched Tegoshi’s tongue he realized how thirsty he actually was and he finished the glass of water in one greedy gulp. After that the overwhelming exhaustion came back. The fact he sat up even increased his headache. He was relieved when Yamapi laid him back again. He heard the worried whispers of Koyama and Yamapi, but he didn’t want to understand them. All he wanted was to sleep…


Yamapi and Koyama kept watch by Tegoshi’s bed sight for three hours. They looked at his sweaty face which became more and more less shaken as his fever went down. They jumped up when he twitched and opened his eyes.

“Pi-chan?” Tegoshi whimpered.

“I’m here.” Yamapi grabbed his tiny hot hand. “Do you feel better?”

“Mmh…Yes, I think so…” Tegoshi held his forehead. The pain was just a little throb now. His mind was clear, yet his body felt still weak though. His stomach moaned. “I’m hungry.” He squeaked in a high scratchy voice, his still reddened cheeks even blushed a bit through a whimsically teeny-tiny smile and he looked pleadingly at Yamapi.

“I’ll go to get you some soup.” Yamapi said immediately. He was lucky that Tegoshi seemed better. Hesitating he looked at Koyama as he stood up. “I’ll stay with him.” Koyamama promised and Yamapi left with the relieving feeling that Tegoshi was in good hands during his absence.

Koyama’s eyes looked deep into Tegoshi’s. “Is it because of them?”


“Ryo-chan and Yamapi. It’s because of them, isn’t it?”

“I don’t get you.”

“Don’t try to fool me. It’s obvious they’re fighting for you.”

Tegoshi looked at him with honest confusion.

Koyama stared back in surprise. “You really didn’t notice…?”

“Notice what?”

Koyama shook his head. “Forget it. It’s okay.” He smiled. “Probably I misunderstood something.”

Tegoshi sighed.

“But something’s troubling you anyway, deshou?”

A moment passed, then Tegoshi nodded.

“I…I love them….Both of them…But that’s not right…And it’s not easy either. Every time I’m with one of them my decision changes…I wish I would be sure, but I’m not…It’s not fair of me. They have the right that I’m honest and fair to them…” Tegoshi’s voice got more and more quiet until it silenced.

Yamapi came back, opened the door, but neither Koyama nor Tegoshi noticed or heard him.

“Ryo said…Ryo said I should forget about Pi-chan…” Silence.

Yamapi stood there, the hot soup for Tegoshi in his hand and he could hear his heartbeat rushing in his head. Before he knew what he did he’d left the room without being noticed again.

“But I can’t. Pi-chan is important to me. As well as Ryo…”

“Oh, Tesshi…” Koyama sympathetically grabbed his hand. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I was afraid…and confused.” His voice trembled. Tears were in his big puppy-eyes that stared at the blankets covering his hot body. “But…I think I know what to do now.” The sudden determined look on Tegoshi’s face made Koyama aware. “To do what?” he asked carefully and afraid of the answer he already suspected.

Tegoshi looked up. Every single trace of fever in his face was away. His eyes were sure, no sparkle of doubt or hesitate in them.

“I will quit NEWS.”


Chapter 16 deshita~~
like always - comments are loved :3
And again and forever thanks to all people who leave a comment ♥
it really helps me to know there are such great people who support my writing :)

3rd-Aug-2009 07:09 pm - Fanart : Pi-chan :3
feel the wave - PI
yeah, I finally sat down to draw again one of my favorite musicans and this time I chose Pi :D
It's not as good as I had wished it would turn out in the end, but I'm kinda proud of it anyway, cause I drew it in a for me completly new style, with white chalk and black pencils and on this gorgeous, cheap old school-paper which used my mom for her studies in the 70's x3


I would appreciate comments and critcism :D

green ryo-chan
Title: The bet - or such a thing called love
Chapter: [15/20]
Pairing: RyoTego/TegoPi
Genre: romance, drama
Rating: PG-13 (i think...?)
Summary: Ryo-chan and Yamapi bet that one of them will win Tegoshi's heart, both confident that they will win. So a rancorous fight begins, in which both use even the worst methods to better each other, not knowing, that Tegoshi, who stands between them, slowly sinks into despair because of his confused heart....
Disclaimer: Nothing of this like persons, names, places, buildings etc. belongs to me, except the storyline and the weird dialogues

~ ~



They met up at the station at 9pm. Ryo and Massu where first, after a while Koyama and Shige arrived. Yamapi and Shige came last. They waitet outside for the two of them and as soon as Tegoshi noticed Ryo, he pulled his hand out of Yamapi’s and stepped a bit away from him. With a guilty conscience he didn’t dare to look into Ryo’s eyes as they greeted each other. He didn’t even know whether Ryo had seen their hands intertwined or not. As well as he didn’t know why he felt so guilty. I did nothing wrong, he tried to justify himself, but it didn’t work as he found himself being surrounded by Ryo and Yamapi at each of his sides again.

His heartbeat fastened as they walked to a near restaurant, headed in and where led to their seats. Of course he had to sit down between Yamapi and Ryo again. Yabai…They’re not making it any easier for me this way at all! Tegoshi thought. He felt as if his current position resembled the condition of his heart. Torn up… He looked up at Yamapi to his right side, who was giving him this warm, calm and serious look. And then he turned his head to Ryo at his left, who was smiling at him with his far too cute big-brother-smile. Then he looked down at the menu on the table in front of him. He sighed. It feels wrong to like both of them. It’s not fair. If Ryo would’ve not been so caring and straightforward it would’ve been so easy. I’ve loved Yamapi for so long now. I want him to hold me. He is so steady and grown-up. But Ryo-chan…I feel good when I’m with him. He makes me smile. He cares for me. He’s watching me and it makes me happy that he can’t take his eyes off me. He’s there for me when I need him. Damn…I know I have to decide…but it would hurt one of them. I don’t want to make them sad. I don’t want to lose neither of them…

“Yu-chan, what’s wrong?”

“Eh?” Tegoshi looked up. Everybody was staring at him. He hadn’t noticed Ryo had spoken to him.

“Sorry, I’ve dreamt. What did you say?”

“I’ve asked whether you’ve already decided on what to eat.” Ryo said and the aware, worrying look in his eyes was not unseen by Yamapi. He hated the way Ryo was always watching Tegoshi. It was like he was observing him the whole time, every step, every movement, every expression – non-stop. It was like Ryo feared that Tegoshi might run away. And it made Yamapi so mad to see Ryo’s eyes stuck to Tegoshi.

“Ehm…I’m taking the same like you.” Tegoshi forced a smile full of wobbliness. He knew Ryo noticed everything he did and Yamapi sensed every change in his mood. It was tiring to be on guard so much in order to not worry either of them or to prevent awkward questions or gazes. Oh please...he thought annoyed. Can’t they stop it at least for a single moment? It was okay to be with just one of them. He enjoyed the time he spent with either Yamapi or Ryo. But to be with both was just horrible.

Tegoshi didn’t get the slightest bit of the conversation that started between the other members immediately after they’d ordered. He used the time to rest inside his head and to calm down his thoughts. He neither noticed that Yamapi kind of boasted with the fact that Tegoshi bought the cotton candy for him, nor did he sensed the gazes from Ryo which rested on him the whole time. He didn’t even move his eyes away from Tegoshi when the waiter served them their food. Ryo didn’t mean to give Tegoshi a creepy feeling. He just wanted Tegoshi to look at him for at least a second, so that Ryo could see whether he was alright or not. But Tegoshi never once looked up the whole night. Not even a single time he answered to a question Ryo asked. Ryo’s only comfort was that he didn’t react to Yamapi either.

So when they got back to the hotel Ryo and Tegoshi went off alone to their room in silence. Ryo didn’t know what to say and he had the suspicion that Tegoshi wouldn’t answer anyway. When they arrived in their room Tegoshi immediately went into the bath-room, locked the door and a second later Ryo heard the sound of the shower. With a sad sigh he sat down at the bet and waited in impatience. Ten minutes later Tegoshi came out. He saw Ryo sitting there, stopped and then quickly looked away when their eyes met. That was too much for Ryo. It was too obvious. “Oy, don’t ignore me!” he said and his voice was much harsher than he’d intended it to be. Tegoshi answered with the same tone: “How could I? You’re observing me non-stop! I would welcome it if I could ignore you.”

Ryo bit his lip. Tegoshi’s hurtful remark hit home. He said nothing. Tegoshi seemed to spot that he’d said something wrong. So he finally looked at Ryo after all and saw him with sunken shoulders and a heartbreaking expression on his face. Tegoshi fought with himself, but then he said: “Gomen ne, Ryo-chan…I didn’t mean it…” Ryo didn’t react. With four steps Tegoshi was by his side and knelt down in front of him. That way Ryo was forced to look at Tegoshi, whose baby-eyes made him feel even worse. “Please stop it…” he said pleadingly in a soft voice.

“Stop what?” Tegoshi wanted to know.

“Looking at me like that. It’s unfair.”


“You don’t know how cute and innocent you are.” Ryo groaned and let his face fall down into his hands. His voice was as husky as always, but this time it had also a hurtful, overwrought sound in it.  “But I know.” He whispered. “I know far too well. I can’t get enough of your cute face. It makes me happy to see you. It makes me realize how precious you are; how important you are to me.” He paused for moment. Tegoshi heard how he took a breath. “But recently you stopped smiling. I didn’t know this is because of me…”

“Oh Ryo! It’s not because of you!”

“Liar. You’re just saying this in order to not hurt me.”

Tegoshi said nothing and Ryo let out a bit, husky laughter. “See, I’m right. Exposed.”

“Okay…It is because of you. At least a half.” Tegoshi admitted. “It’s just that…Well…” His voice broke off.

“So, what?”

Tegoshi sighed and then looked down. “It’s so complicated…” he said quietly. How could he tell Ryo that he suspected he was in love with both, Ryo and Yamapi? It was impossible that he would tell Ryo, wasn’t it?

Ryo looked at him with his special gaze. This special gaze, which made Tegoshi’s heart go crazy, his knees weak and wobbly and his mind blank. That moment Tegoshi knew that he felt more for Ryo than he’d thought. Maybe too much. Could you be too much in love with a person when there’s already another one important to your heart? Was it possible for one person to love more than one human so much it hurts? Could you die from the pain a confused heart causes?

Tegoshi’s heart hurt so much. And his head knew it was wrong. It was wrong to have such feelings for more than one person. Stupid heart. Didn’t it know that something like this was forbidden?

Tegoshi felt the touch of some warm hands gently stroking his cheeks. Ryo’s hands.

Without noticing it tears have fallen down from Tegoshi’s chin. Carefully he laid his head into Ryo’s cupping hands. It felt good, this feeling of being comforted, although he knew he didn’t deserve it.

“Ryo…” Tegoshi whispered the name, just to know how it tasted like in that very moment. It tasted so sweet some days ago, like pure honey and he hasn’t known why. Now he knew, and it felt bittersweet. Weird how much the realization of love can change a name…He felt as if he had to cry again. He wasn’t sure whether it was okay, so he held back a big fat cratching sob in his throat, though it hurt so much even more tears would sum up in his eyes.

“Oh dear…There’s no need to.” He hear Ryo whispering back and felt even more terrible. Who was he to make Ryo worry about him so much? And the most terrible thing was that something was inside him - this egoistic not-caring part - that enjoyed it. That really enjoyed being shepherded. He was torn apart and he just used poor Ryo-chan for his own heart’s sake.  “Ryo…” Tegoshi was sobbing now anyway. “You don’t know…You don’t understand.” He sounded so desperate.

“I don’t understand what?” Ryo asked as he didn’t have a blue what was troubling Tegoshi. “Yu-chan…I don’t get it.”

But Tegoshi pushed him away and shied away from him. “I don’t deserve your gentleness.” He said with a broken voice. Even his stomach hurt when he said it. “I don’t deserve any of this. You’re too kind, too caring… I don’t deserve you, Ryo. I am not good eno-“ But Ryo cut him off by suddenly pressing his soft lips onto Tegoshi’s, whose eyes tore open in surprise.

“Why do you have such stupid thoughts?” Ryo asked in a love voice when they parted away. “I’d never say you’re not good enough for me. Why are you wearing yourself down? Is it because of Yamapi?”

Tegoshi just stared at Ryo, still paralyzed by the unexpected kiss. His lips felt so different now, he feared to have to realize they weren’t his anymore if he would just open them to speak.

“Yu-chan…” Ryo’s husky voice echoed in Tegoshi’s ear. “There’s no need to. Forget him. Forget everything about him. I wouldn’t be here four you if I wouldn’t think of you as one of the most wonderful persons I know.” Gently he stroke Tegoshi’s cold cheeks again. The tough made Tegoshi come back to talk again.

“I am not wonderful. You’re thinking wrong of me.” He whispered. With big round eyes full of sadness and fear he was staring at Ryo, who looked at him with a serious face.

“Well, even then I’m fine with it.” And he leaned down to Tegoshi again.

What am I doing?!


Chapter 15 deshita~~
so, as you can see there will be 20 chapters :3
I've already written the ending, chapter 16 and 18-20...there's still missing a big part of chap 17 though xDD
thanks as always to all those nice people who write comments and keep reading the bet and supporting me ♥
thank you so much!! ^______________^

24th-Jul-2009 05:37 pm - Rest in Peace
Dark Pi



I will miss you...

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